The clips below are selected previews from
more detailed chapters of Dreamers, Discoverers, and Dynamos
(Ballantine Books, copyright 1999)

From Chapter 1            

Does Your Child Have
the Edison Trait?

CONVERGENT, NO – DIVERGENT, YES
Having the Edison trait makes some things easier for your child and some things harder. The things that come easy are:

• Thinking up wild or unusual ideas
  
  
• Standing up for, feeling strongly about,
  and getting involved in those ideas
  
  
• Making things up, and imagining the future
  
  
• Trying things out
  
  
• Starting new projects
  

The things that come hard are:

• Focusing on someone else’s ideas
  
  
• Letting go of his own ideas
  
  
• Remembering things he’s been asked to do
  
  
• Practicing skills repeatedly
  
  
• Finishing things

The things that come easy are divergent thinking skills. In divergent thinking, one thought stimulates many others; thinking branches out. The things that come hard require convergent thinking. In convergent thinking, many thoughts reduce to a single one. Thinking funnels in.

Read the lists again. It is no surprise that Edison-trait children will not shine in a typical classroom, or on a playground, or in most forms of organized sports. In settings like these, their chemistry sets them apart. They are the exceptions to our implicit rules of how children should think and perform, rules that say they should behave like uniform convergent thinkers.

From Chapter 6

Step Three: Build a Parent-and-Child Team

BE ON THE SAME SIDE

"Everything is such a battle with Daniel."

"He was my second child, so I knew it was him, not me."

"I have a cannon. My mom has a popgun. I don’t care if I get my homework done. She does."

You are not the enemy and neither is your child. You and your child are allies against a common enemy, or rather common enemies. They are the enemies we all face: fear, stress, intolerance, misunderstanding, discouragement, exhaustion, disappointment.

You must break the mental image that you and your child are waging war between you. This attitude and approach is as destructive as any other war on earth. No one truly wins.

• Understand, don’t blame
  
  
• Cooperate, don’t intimidate
  
  
• Act, don’t react

The moment you feel a power struggle starting to build, take a step back, break the pattern, and create a new and healthy way to see things. Interestingly, one of the most effective things you can do is to physically walk over and stand side by side, next to your child. Or pull up a chair and sit right by his side. Look in the same direction he is looking. Reflect on – and do not challenge – the last thing he said.

"I hate this. It’s dumb. I’m not going to do this anymore."

Chuck’s mom could hear the words forming themselves in her brain: "Yes, you are, young man!" But instead, she stopped and chose silence. She moved a chair from the head of the table, next tot he place where he sat. They both stared into the same corner of space. Chuck’s mom said, "You feel like quitting, huh?"

Chuck nodded. They sat in silence.

In the quiet, Chuck’s mom got in touch with her intuition. "Time for a break?" she asked. It turned out that it was. When Chuck returned to work, he had a better attitude.

The most critical time to find a point of agreement with your child is right at a point of disagreement. When you can’t give your child what he asks for, give him what you can – for example, respect, attention, understanding, and a friendly spirit.

Tina wanted to stay up until midnight. Instead of gearing up for battle, her mom decided to try a new approach. She gave Tina her full attention while Tina told her how she felt. Then she spoke gently to her daughter. "I understand it’s a very grown-up feeling to stay up with us. I understand why you want to. I like it when we’re together too. Right now, it’s time to be in your own cozy little bed. Do you want to play a game of Go Fish when you’re ready?

Imagine you and your Edison-trait child as two leaders of separate nations. Create peace, not war. Use care and diplomacy when differences crop up between you. If you jump to enforce your will, he will jump to enforce his. Instead aim to create a shared vision, one that is acceptable to both of you.

In actual fact, each of you is a respected and powerful leader. You lead your own life. And he leads his.

EMPOWER, DON’T OVERPOWER
There was once an old man and a boy. The boy wished to outsmart the old man. He captured a small bird and cupped it in his hands. He approached the old man.

"Old man," said the boy, "what do I have in my hand?"

"A bird," the old man replied.

"Old man," the boy asked, "is the bird dead or alive?"

Now the old man was a wise old man, and he knew that if he said "alive," the boy would kill the bird to prove him wrong. He knew if he said "dead," the boy would free the bird and feel so triumphant he would surely play this trick on others, at the expense of small birds.

The old man though about the boy’s need to feel smart by outsmarting his elder. So in a kindly voice, the old man said to him: "The bird is your hands, my son."

Prevent control battles between you and your child. Acknowledge your child’s right to make choices and your right to live your life in peace as well. Enjoy the fact that your child thinks and acts for himself. Like the old man, don’t be fooled or manipulated. And remember, that like the bird, your child life lies in his own hands.

H  Y  P   E  R  T  H  I N  K
/ I  N  K

R E L A T E D   L I N K S:

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